Today I am not going to spend a lot of time talking about food and exercise (largely because I failed miserably on the food end today - but not in the way you'd expect). Instead, I am going to have a mini-therapy session with myself, and you're coming along for the ride. You're welcome.
I am a strong girl.
Because of things I have experienced in the past - specifically things relationship-wise (or lack thereof) - I have become somewhat hardened.
Not a lot gets to me anymore: I take things with a grain of salt and stick to my belief that everything happens for a reason, that life turns out exactly how it is supposed to, that things I experience make me who I am. I am genuinely (and sickeningly so) happy, optimistic, and positive that life is good and that good things happen to good people.
And, I am really great about thinking of all the positives in my life: I have the greatest family and friends a girl could ask for, I love what I do, I am healthy, I am free, and I am doing good things for my world.
Instead of getting frustrated, upset, sad, or - honestly - even phased by things that don't go my way, I pour my heart into other avenues: my students, my career, my friends, my fitness, my volunteering, my writing, my cooking, etc.
Essentially, I make myself so busy and so preoccupied with other aspects of life - and with listening to and helping others with their difficulties - that I don't have the time or the energy to get emotional about things that may not be so amazing in my life.
But sometimes, very rarely, I break.
And today was one of those times.
I don't know if it's because I haven't had a good cry in a while, or because my foot is in so much pain, or because of recent events, or what, but I am just sad.
I don't give up on things. And I don't give up on people.
It's just not who I am. I am persistent. And, yes, I am stubborn.
However, I think it might be time to just give up on this one.
And in the midst of "giving up," I have been happy, I have been cheerful, I have been supportive, and I have been loving. I have put on a really great facade.
But, like I said, that tough exterior cracked today. The flood gates opened.
And I am indelibly grateful that Mags - one of my bestest friends - essentially forced me out of the house and was seen with me in public while I was tearing up and making a fool of myself.
She knew that things weren't good and that my emotions were running haywire, and she told me that was okay. And that was nice. I love her to pieces.
I know that tomorrow is a new day, and I know that I will be strong again.
But that doesn't mean that I won't shed a few more tears tonight.