Sunday, February 16, 2014

Peace

Hello friends!

I realize that I have been MIA for most of 2014 thus far, given that I posted my New Year's resolutions and then nothing else.  I apologize, but there has been good reason.

Earlier this year, The Boy and I decided that we should take a break.  I do not want to go into too many details here, as I believe that there are just some things that should remain private, but essentially we concluded that we were in two different places in life, that I wanted one thing and he wanted another.

I was absolutely devastated and pretty much a disaster for about a week: my face was red from crying so much, my eyes were the most swollen they have ever been, my nose was scabby from having been blown so much, etc.  Absolutely anything could set me off in an emotional outburst (usually including lots of ugly-crying), whether it was a student doing something nice for me, a commercial on TV, an article about a rescued animal, etc.  Needless to say, I was a wreck.

And then, I was not.

For the past three weeks, I have been the happiest I have been in probably a year.  (And interestingly enough, that makes me quite sad, simply knowing that I was not happy for so long, especially when I tried so hard to convince myself that I was.)


I am not sure exactly what clicked, what made such a difference in my brain, in my heart.  I truly think that I simply did a lot of thinking and realized that I was tired; I was exhausted.  I had spent a good part of a year trying so hard to make something work, putting so much energy toward something that was just not going to happen, that when I finally wasn't investing that effort, I felt a big sense of relief, of peace.

I realized that I was ready to be happy again -- and even more importantly, I realized that I deserved to be happy again.

(And that is nothing against The Boy: I have no hard feelings toward him, and I truly care for him and want nothing but the best for him.  I genuinely want for both of us to be happy, understanding that that is likely not going to happen when we are together.)

So, that is what I am going to do.  I am going to get back to eating healthfully, I am going to get back to working out regularly, and I am going to get back to writing more-than-occasionally, all things that I think I was really too emotionally-exhausted to do over the past year and, especially, over the last few months.

Get ready, World.

*It is also very, very important to note with this post that I have the most wonderful friends and amazing family in the entire universe.  I am a lucky, lucky girl to have so many amazing women in my corner.  Thank you: I love you more than words can say.

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear that you and the Boy broke up, but on the flip side, I am very happy that you found peace quickly. We need to catch up sometime soon! I miss you!

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