A Serious Matter

Thanks to the NFL and pretty much every other business and corporation painting the town pink, we know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. But October is also the awareness month for another issue that largely affects women: domestic abuse.

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Domestic abuse is such a major issue, and the fact that it is not widely discussed is more than disconcerting, to say the least. Do we not talk about it because it doesn't affect us? Do we not talk about it because we think it only affects a certain type of person? Do we not talk about it because we think it's uncommon? Do we not talk about it because we view it as excusable or as warranted? Do we not talk about it because we think we are alone? Do we not talk about it because of the connotations? Do we not talk about it because we are scared?

The reasons ultimately don't matter, I suppose. The fact is that we don't talk about domestic abuse.

Well, friends, I am going to talk about it.

Why am I going to talk about it? Because one in three women are abused in her lifetime. I guarantee that you know -- whether you know it or not -- someone who has been affected by domestic abuse. That is a terrifying statistic, and that is why we need to talk about it.

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Often when we think of domestic abuse, we think of violence: black eyes, bruises, broken bones. That is one type of domestic abuse, and it is certainly a major issue: domestic abuse is the leading cause of injuries to women, more than mugging, car accidents, and rapes combined.

But domestic abuse is so much more than that. Domestic abuse is "the pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner." Yes, this includes physical abuse, but it also covers emotional, psychological, sexual, and economic abuse. Abusers use tactics and behaviors to intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound their partner.

Victims of domestic abuse come from all walks of life: rich and poor, white and black, educated and uneducated, heterosexual and homosexual, religious and secular, young and old, female and male.

Perpetrators of domestic abuse also come from a variety of backgrounds, which is especially problematic. Ninety percent of abusers have no criminal record, and they are frequently kind and generous to everyone outside of their intimate relationship. Not only do they not look like monsters, but they may (and often do) begin a relationship as an absolute Prince Charming.

That is one of the reasons why women find it so difficult to leave. They are in the relationship, after all, because they love him -- and because they believe that he truly loves her. He is kind and compassionate and loving and does wonderfully amazing things for her. He understands her and consoles her and compliments her and brags about her.

And when he "messes up," he apologizes profusely and says that he will make things better.

And she believes him.

After all, she loves him.

This, my friends, is the cycle of abuse.

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Another reason women may find it difficult to leave is because they do not have the resources to do so. Often, if a woman wants to leave, she has difficulty finding housing, as family members may fear for their own safety or landlords may not be willing to lease property to a victim of abuse. Fleeing from domestic abuse is one of the leading causes of homelessness for women and children.

In addition, women may fear the repercussions of trying to leave. The closer the victim gets to leaving the abuser, the more the abuse intensifies; not only does the level of abuse rise (and the safety of the victim become more compromised), but the frequency of the abuse increases as well.

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I want to make it absolutely clear that abusive relationships are not always physically abusive, and I also want to stress that one type of abuse is not necessarily worse than the others. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says, "Emotional and psychological abuse can often be just as extreme as physical violence. Lack of physical violence does not mean the abuser is any less dangerous to the victim, nor does it mean the victim is any less trapped by the abuse."

Manipulation and control are never okay. Never.

Feeling unsafe in one's home is never okay. Never. 

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So what do we do?

First, if you are in an abusive relationship, know this: what is happening to you is not your fault, and you do not ever deserve to feel worthless or unsafe. Please also know that you are strong and that there are support systems available; the National Domestic Violence Hotline, for instance, is available 24/7 (1-800-799-SAFE).

Second, if you know someone who is an abusive relationship, there are a number of steps you can take as well. First and foremost, be there as a non-judgmental, supportive listener. Second, encourage your friend or family member to seek outside supports and to develop a safety plan. Third, allow your loved one to make her own decisions; after being in a manipulative, controlling relationship, having another person telling her what to do could be detrimental. Above all else, simply let her know how much you love and care for her.

Here are a number of other resources:

• The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org
• Safe Horizon: http://www.safehorizon.org
• WomenSafe: http://www.womensafe.org
• National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: http://www.nrcdv.org
• National Network to End Domestic Violence: http://nnedv.org

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Peace, friends.

Workout Plan

First, I want to thank you for the outpouring of support (via the blog, Facebook, text messages, phone calls, etc.) upon my last blog post. It's hard coping with a major lifestyle change when you're away from everything you know, but I am extremely lucky and incredibly thankful for the amazingly supportive friends and family I have from afar as well as the absolutely wonderful girlfriends I have made in Minnesota. A transition like this is never easy, but you all have helped me tremendously, and I am so grateful.

Now, let's get down to business: the business of the working-out variety.

When I left you last year, I had just finished the Summer of Running: I ran the Lincoln Half Marathon in May, eleven miles of the Market to Market Relay six days later, the Dam to Dam Half Marathon a couple of weeks after, and the Chicago Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon in July. In the midst of all of that, I had a cortisone shot in my knee and cycled approximately 20 bazillion miles.

Cardio was my middle name.

Amber and I prior to Dam to Dam 2014

Me after Dam to Dam

Aly, me, Stacey, and Leslie after the Rock n/ Roll Chicago Half Marathon

After the Rock n' Roll Chicago Half Marathon (aka the hottest, most miserable race I have ever completed -- note to self to never sign up for a race at the end of July)

In September, I thought I'd give the knees a little break and focus more on strength-training than cardio. I used a Groupon to join MaxT3, a killer bootcamp at a downtown CrossFit box. These workouts were phenomenal: lots of pull-ups, kettle bells, ball slams, squats, etc. I was certainly wiped at the end of each workout, and I both felt and looked stronger. However, these workouts are just not for me: I get too focused on the goal (going fast to beat everyone else) and end up disregarding form, not upping weights, etc. Also, the gym was super unorganized (and is now something else entirely), so I did not have a hard time letting go of that membership.

When I started coming up to Minnesota in December, I began working out with S. He is a powerlifter and in crazy-good shape. He put together a training program for me, and we started working out together at a lifting gym up here. I absolutely loved spending time together at the gym; S. was basically my personal trainer and gave me such great feedback, helped me with my form, spotted my heavier lifts, and praised my growth. I continued this powerlifting routine in Des Moines and felt amazing. I lost weight, I gained muscle, and not only was I noticing visible change in my body, but I was also feeling so much better, so much stronger.

Unfortunately, the workouts fell by the wayside when I got crazy-busy this summer. I couldn't work out as much as I wanted during tennis season due to late nights and lack of a gym (since I was using the school's weight room in Des Moines). In addition, my nutrition was less-than-stellar as I did not plan enough in advance, was out late for meets, etc. Then I was out of town and/or packing much of the summer, which in turn cut into my routine. When I moved up here, I worked out a few times (enough to get a membership at the lifting gym), but shortly thereafter, things took a turn for the worse relationship-wise, and again, exercise was the first thing to go.

About six weeks ago, I started doing yoga, however. A friend convinced me to go to CorePower Yoga with her, and I ended up getting a free two-week pass. I think I went at least six times in that two-week period. I loved it -- and it was just what I needed, especially because I was an emotional disaster. Yes, there were definite physical benefits to my practice (even in that short amount of time), but there were far more spiritual benefits: yoga grounded me -- centered me -- during this time of absolute turmoil. I felt tremendously better during the classes, but that feeling of tranquility (and those ujjayi breaths) really, really helped me in the many periods of distress that followed.

I moved out of my home nearly three weeks ago. Unfortunately, most exercise has ceased in that time period. My free-trial ran out at the yoga studio, and while I bought a Groupon for another studio, I want to wait until I'm settled in my new place to start that. (As you can imagine, trying to start a new routine while living out of a suitcase is not an easy feat.) I have done a few things, though:

First, I went on a few walks. My mom and I walked three miles around Lake Zorinsky when I was hOmaha, one of my new best friends and I walked around Lake Harriet in Minneapolis, and that same friend and I wandered around the Galleria and another cute shopping area in Edina this weekend (and yes, that does count as walking).

I call this one Lake Harriet in Autumn.

Second, I had a night of dancing with three great girlfriends -- who just so happen to also be my colleagues. I am totally counting this as a workout, as I wandered around downtown Minneapolis and danced my booty off in three-inch heels. Two days later, my quads are still burning.

Seriously, how gorgeous are they?!

While the walking and dancing count for something, I am in dire need of a legit routine. So, here's the plan:

• I want to continue powerlifting (squats, deadlifts, bench, overhead press, and accessory work). I have never felt better in my life. Seriously. First, lifting heavy weights makes me feel like an absolute badass. Second, it makes me feel grounded (check out this article by Henry Rollins). And third, it makes me feel (and look) soooooo good.  My plan is to lift three times per week.
• I want to continue yoga. I bought a Groupon for ten sessions at Heat Yoga Studio, and while it's not CorePower Yoga, I am nevertheless excited to continue my practice. Like with lifting, I feel so grounded (and spiritually connected), and I also know that it does wonders for my physique. My plan is to practice yoga at least one or two times per week.
• I want to start training for another half marathon. Thirteen point one miles is my absolute favorite distance, and my goal for next year is to PR. I would love to hit 2:30, and I strongly believe that I can do this, especially with continued lifting and yoga. Running during the winter in Minnesota sounds a bit problematic, but I will have treadmills (ughhhhhh) at my new place, so there are no excuses. I will run outside until it gets unbearable (either in regard to temperature or precipitation), and then I'll resort to the treadmill. I want to start off with low mileage -- like, a mile at a time -- and build up speed and endurance. I also need to select a race to schedule. (Any ideas?) That will help me set up an actual training schedule for when the weather gets a bit nicer. My plan is to run at least three miles per week.

While that's a lot more exercise than I am doing currently, I am really, really looking forward to getting back into the groove. I'm going to start this plan next week but also give myself a little leeway since I'll be getting settled; I will legit start the week of November 8th -- no excuses.

An Update

It's been awhile since I've blogged. Like, it's been over a year since I've blogged.

No-Blogging Excuse #1: When I last blogged -- August 17, 2014 -- I was gearing up for my tenth year of teaching. The start of a school year is always quite stressful, but last year seemed especially so since we were implementing a new grading system -- and basically changing our entire curriculum in the process.

Not from August, but my partner in crime (Lindsey) and I during our staff golf outing

Also not in August, but my other partner in crime (Mags) and I on her wedding day

No-Blogging Excuse #2: In late October, I met a guy. Because he lived nearly four hours away and we spent nearly every weekend together starting in the beginning of December, most of my free time was spent either traveling, hanging out with friends that I would miss while I was away, doing miscellaneous things to keep the household running (especially amidst all of the traveling), grading papers and lesson planning so that I would have weekends free, and having long-distant date nights (i.e. Netflix binges, Words With Friends marathons, and hours-long phone conversations).

Como Park -- loooooove

No-Blogging Excuse #3: Sometime in the spring, we discussed the possibility of making our relationship less long-distant -- like, zero-distant. I started looking for jobs and interviewing up north. After countless applications and several interviews (and job offers!), I landed a stellar opportunity.

Oh yeah: I also traveled to Washington, D.C., to change the world (and/or to drink wine with my Freedom Writer besties, Cathy, Katie, and Denise)

No-Blogging Excuse #4: June was spent winning the state tennis title, traveling to Michigan to see my brand-new nephew (and his older brother and parents), packing boxes upon boxes (mainly of cooking crap, books, and treasures), and hanging out with my most wonderful friends that I would miss ever so dearly.

State Champs!

Snuggly Sawyer

No-Blogging Excuse #5: In mid-July, I bid adieu to Des Moines and said hello to the Twin Cities. I spent the first few days unpacking and then the next several weeks planning for a new job -- a new curriculum, a new grading system, a new everything. I met with colleagues, attended trainings, and made new friends. I also welcomed many old friends and family to my new home and explored a brand-new city.

My BFF (Katie) and I at Minnehaha Falls

No-Blogging Excuse #6: Somewhere in this whole process, something went wrong, and my relationship did not turn out as anticipated. There is so much I want need to write about and process regarding that, but I have not yet decided how to do so. For now, suffice it to say that the last several weeks have been the most overwhelmingly stressful and emotional of my entire life.

Six no-blogging excuses might just be a record for this ol' thing. I assure you, though, that I am recommitting myself to it. I have missed writing so much, and I think this creative (and therapeutic) outlet is much-needed right now. I cannot promise that I will write consistently, especially in the next several days as I gear up for my third move in 15 weeks, but I promise that I will try.

I am super stoked for a recommitment to healthy living and have somewhat of a plan in place; I look forward to sharing that with you all soon.

For now, though, I want to take a minute to thank the incredible people I have in my corner. I have certainly dealt with a lot over the course of the last month-and-a-half, but I have also put my family and friends through the ringer, and they have never wavered in their love and support for me. They have bent over backwards and have gone out of their way to take care of me, and as hard as it is for an independent (and yes, stubborn) woman like me to admit, I needed it so desperately. I have always known the importance of family and friends, but these last several weeks have just reinforced how lucky -- and how grateful I am -- to have so many wonderful people in my life. Thank you.

Erin, Alicia (+ Baby), Katie, me, Emmy Jean, Leslie, Mindy

Sunni (aka my twin) and me

(Also, I am still adhering to the "I only post pictures where I look good" policy for this blog, so while I have many more people for whom I am thankful, these are the only recent photos I can find where I look decent. And no, they are not from the same day, despite me wearing the exact same outfit. Stop judging me, okay? I'm living out of a suitcase. K thanks.)

Round Two

I thrive on routines.

I am sad that summer is over. I mean, I love sleeping in, bumming around the house, reading a book a day, traveling extensively, etc.

However, I'm not sure what it is about oodles and oodles of free time, but there is just something about it that does not lend itself to productivity for me. For instance, other than a few races, countless bike rides, and a week of boogie-boarding, I had a hard time exercising. And while I did not eat greasy fast food every day, I did not necessarily eat (or, let's be real, drink) super healthfully either.

As a result, I have gained back a lot of what I lost during my Whole30 days, and I am feeling not so wonderful.

So, now that school is starting again (and hence a routine is back in place), I have decided to give myself an extra little healthy-lifestyle boost and start another Whole30.

Tomorrow, friends, Whole30 Round Two starts.

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There will be a few differences between this Whole30 and the Whole30 (or Whole57 or whatever it ended up being) that I completed a few months ago. First, as many of you know, I discovered that I am allergic to many of the frequent-flyer foods. The one that I am most worried about with this go-around is sweet potatoes, as that was an easy carb to add to dinner. I am going to attempt to simply omit those from my diet, but if I find that I need a little extra something with my evening meal, I am going to substitute rice, even though that is technically forbidden on a true Whole30.

In addition, I am not going to be as strict with some of the meat. For instance, I bought chicken sausage at Trader Joe's today, even though it has minute amounts of brown sugar. It was only $3.99 as opposed to the $7.99 I would pay at Whole Foods for completely compliant sausage. I will be doing the same for bacon: I will try to find the least non-compliant type, but if it has a trace amount of sugar, I'm not going to say no.

I obviously wouldn't recommend making these substitutions during your first Whole30, but since I've already done a couple months of eating wholly compliantly, I am going to do a variation of the program that will work for me.

So, who wants to play along with me? A good support system is paramount to Whole30 success.

How were your healthy-living habits this summer? Any amazing recipes you think I should try for Round Two?

Five Favorites

This is the tenth edition of Five Favorites, which means that over the course of the past three months, I have shared with you 50 of my most favorite things. I hope you've enjoyed reading these posts as much as I've enjoyed writing them!

1. Old Navy Active

I know what you're thinking: Emmy, you've already professed your love toward Old Navy workout clothes 1,000 times over. And you'd be correct. However, I wanted to tell you about my new favorite find today.

Normally, I purchase these workout tops:

The Knotted Racer-Back Tank

This particular cut is my absolute favorite because it isn't skin-tight (hello, muffin top with spandex capris), and it's a bit longer than most workout tops.

But, the hotter it gets, the more I realize that because the tank is 65% polyester and 35% cotton, it tends to soak up the sweat and get really baggy, really fast.

So, I decided to try one of the new tops:

The Cut-Out Mesh Tank

This particular tank is also a bit longer than most, but it's more fitted and less flow-y. It's 91% polyester and 9% spandex, so it doesn't get bogged down and bagged out by sweat. Also, the whole tank has a cut-out pattern (almost lacy), so there's great ventilation. And as an added bonus, it's super cute: wearing this top, I rode my bike down to a pub to watch the World Cup match last weekend, and I saw one of my sister's friends who commented on how much she loved my top and how she couldn't believe it was a workout tank, as it was something she'd wear to go out.

So yes, I will be wearing this (in one of the three colors that I have already purchased) all summer. I'm going to have some sweet tan lines. :)

2. Maybelline Define-A-Lash Waterproof Lengthening Mascara

Mascara is the one cosmetic item that I always wear: whether I am going out on a date or running a race, I throw on a coat or two of mascara before I head out the door.

Also, I hate spending money on make-up. I want the best product for the least amount of money, and I want items that are going to last a while.

Enter: Maybelline mascara.

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I love this mascara because it is good-to-go after one application, it goes on smoothly and doesn't clump up, and it seriously does define my lashes. And because I always buy the waterproof kind, it doesn't smudge, even when I tear up, wipe my eyes, etc.

I'm sure it makes me look exactly like this:

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Oh, and it's also less than $8 at Walgreen's. Done and done.

3. My Road Bike

I talked about this road bike nearly a year ago, but I have to talk about it again this year since I have been on it at least three or four times a week this summer.

I love my bike and think that I would be lost without it. It could probably use another tune-up, but I absolutely love everything about this bike -- even the clip-in shoes that have caused a couple of embarrassing moments this year.

Also, I have been doing a lot of work on my bike this summer -- all by myself. I figured out how to attach a pump, another cage, how to adjust my seat, etc. I wholly understand that these are "basic" things, but since I am pretty much the furthest from a fix-it kinda gal, I feel quite accomplished.

I'm pumped (and terrified) to take 'er out on a 50-mile ride later today.

4. Report Sandals (Ryella)

I wear a lot of flip-flops during the summer. But, since I've been a little fancier this summer than ever before (read: going on dates and trying to dress to impress), I decided I should buy some big-girl shoes to match the dresses that I've been living in.

I must have walked the aisles at DSW a dozen times before settling on these bad boys. I really liked them from the get go, but I was also nervous that they would get too hot and sweaty on our super humid days, that I wouldn't like the enclosed heel, etc.

But I am so glad that I settled on this pair. They're so cute, they go with everything, and they totally dress up a plain ol' dress very nicely. Since they only cost $35 and considering I've worn them every day for the past two weeks, I'd say I've already gotten my money's worth.

5. Orange is the New Black

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You guys: I binge-watched this show. And when I say "binge-watched," I mean binge-watched. I'm pretty sure I made it through all 13 episodes in a matter of three days.

And now I'm in withdrawal.

I love so much about this show (while also acknowledging its faults). I love that the cast is 95% female and that there are strong, well-written characters for the actresses. I love that it shows varying relationships between women. I love that it shows the stories and lives behind incarcerated individuals. I love that episodes can make me laugh and cry, can shock me and touch me.

Seriously, I need Season Three a lot sooner than June 2015.


What are some things that you've been loving lately? Are you an OITNB fan? What TV shows hook you for hours on end?


Find previous "Five Favorites" here:

• Five Favorites 9
• Five Favorites 8
• Five Favorites 7
• Five Favorites 6
• Five Favorites 5
• Five Favorites 4
• Five Favorites 3
• Five Favorites 2
• Five Favorites 1

Five on Friday

Good morning, friends!

It's Friday, and since I'm back to semi-regular posting, I thought I'd once again follow along with The Good Life Blog, Hello! Happiness, Carolina Charm, and A. Liz Adventures for a little "Five on Friday."

  

Enjoy the randomness of my life. :)

~~ONE~~

Yesterday, I ran for the first time in nearly three weeks.

You see, I had some major knee issues that had been accompanying me for a couple of weeks, and then I foolishly ran a half marathon at the end of May. Because my knee was (obviously) bothering me after those 13.1 miles, I wizened up and decided to take a much-needed break from running -- and focus on cycling for exercise and to maintain endurance.

So yesterday was my first measly two miles in quite a while. I was fully prepared for the run to suck since it was in super hot and humid weather and since I had not run for a while, but I was pleasantly surprised at how good I felt.

And then shit hit the fan. Endurance-wise, I was great: I could've gone forever. Pain-wise, not so much. I made it nearly a mile around the lake before deciding that I should take a quick break due to the fire poker jabbing the outside of my left knee.

Unfortunately, that was just the beginning. The second mile included much, much more walking, simply because I was in too much pain to run.

And even more unfortunately, the pain did not subside when I stopped running and instead continued through the rest of the day.

My long-distance-running career may be quickly coming to an end.

Soooooo pretty. Also, helloooooo boobs.

~~TWO~~

I know you are all well aware of my obsession with love toward La Croix. Well, have you heard the news?

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Yep: La Croix is feeding my addiction with three new flavors. Since I was at Target this week (and La Croix was three for $9), I succumbed. I picked up a case of mango and a case of apricot (and my tried and true favorite, lime), and both are absolutely delicious: clean, crisp, refreshing.

~~THREE~~

This past month my book club read The Orphan Master's Son.

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This was the first book-club book (out of nine or ten) that I did not read. It was supposed to be absolutely amazing (I mean, it won the Pulitzer Prize), but I just could not get into it; I tried countless times, and each time I tried, it felt like I was just staring at words. I mean, I would make it several pages, but I would have zero idea as to what was happening.

Interestingly, it turns out that most of the other women felt the same way. I think eight of us were at the meeting on Monday, and two of us had finished the book, and one of us was halfway through.

This month we're reading The Interestings, so I'm much more excited about that.

~~FOUR~~

Speaking of books, I decided that since the crazy storms had rendered me without power on Tuesday, I should reorganize all of my books. For most people, this would likely be a small task; I, however, have a lot of books and a little OCD, so this took me all morning.

First, I piled all of the books on my dining room table. Then, I sorted them according to genre: for instance, Latino literature, African-American literature, African literature, Asian literature, general literature, young-adult literature, memoirs, poetry and anthologies, non-fiction, education books, etc. Next, I alphabetized them within their genres. And finally, I put them back on their shelves.

Apparently I ended with more books than with which I started, so...that was another challenge.

While it took me forever, my anal-retentive self is very happy with the end result.

~~FIVE~~

My sister has been begging me for months to head down to her town for trivia at Peace Tree Brewery; unfortunately, I have had bowling league obligations each time she has asked. But, since they're continuing trivia through the summer, I am thankfully able to attend.

On Wednesday, I headed down south, and my sister, brother-in-law, two of their colleagues, and I formed The Kids' Table team.

After the first round (Classic Album Covers), we only had a measly two points. (We knew a lot of the bands and music but did not know the album covers. Ugh.) In the second round (Random Trivia), we killed it with nine out of ten. And then in the third round (June Trivia), we earned another four points, which left us in first place!

I am so ridiculously competitive, so I loved that we won. And, check out the sweet prizes:

We each received a mini growler (I think they're actually called "stumpy growlers") and could have filled it with beer for 10% off that night. Pretty sweet, right?!

It was such a fun evening, and I am so happy that a.) my sister lives close, and b.) that she wants to hang out with me. I already can't wait for July trivia. :)

What's been going on in your life lately?

Have you read any good books? Hook me up with some recommendations, please!