Monday, May 28, 2012

Off the Ledge - Mostly

I feel like I need to do a quick update after Tuesday's ridiculously melodramatic posting.

First, as expected, Thursday was just as horrible as I expected it would be.  I hope I never, ever, ever again have to experience a visitation for a baby - let alone three children.  Horrible.

But those babies are now somewhere beautiful.

And while their parents and their families and their friends will never heal from such a horrific loss, hopefully the love that their babies gave - and the love that they gave in return - will comfort and protect.

Second, as I alluded to (or, okay, straight-up mentioned on Tuesday) it's tough when friendships end, when people part ways.  It is even more difficult when the expectations were so darn high.

As most of you know, I am an extremely positive, cheerful, upbeat, happy person.  And as I've said before, I'm pretty hardened: I don't let a lot get to me, especially when it involves boys.  Sometimes, though, the tough facade cracks - and while I'm slowly but surely mending that break, sheltering myself again behind the mask, I was (or, okay, am) still letting it get to me quite a bit.

There have been too many tears shed over someone who (apparently) does not deserve them.  And I do not deserve to feel like that person has made me feel.  (Correction: my feelings are my own, no one else's, and I choose those emotions.  This person's actions, however, have aided in my decision to feel sad and crummy and upset and frustrated.  And those are feelings that I would like to avoid.)  So, I. am. done.

(And now, I promise I will try to be done talking about this subject.  First, it's boring.  Second, it's pathetic.  And third, there is way more to me - and I am far better than - than this sort of obsession.  The end.)

Third, this was a great weekend.  On Friday, I had an unexpected afternoon/evening of way too much fun with people that I don't hang out with enough.  It was a much-needed respite from the emotions of the prior week.

On Saturday, I (shockingly) woke up for a five-mile run with See-Us Run Des Moines.  It was a great run.  My girl and I felt so good both during and after the run.  After, I slept for quite a while and then headed to graduation.  Talk about an emotional week: first, having a student lose her child; second, being one of two teachers invited to the ceremony and then attending the graduation of a student who "wasn't supposed to make it"; third, watching one of my all-time favorite classes graduate; and fourth, noticing two very important people missing from that ceremony.  But enough with the emotions again: I am so proud of my kids and know they will do amazing things.

After the ceremony, I scarfed down dinner with some friends and then headed to school for the senior party.  I somehow got roped into sitting in the dunk tank.  And it was a lot of fun.  :)

On Sunday, I spent the morning doing absolutely nothing because I was exhausted from working until 2 a.m., and then I joined BFF on our favorite summer patio for "laying out," and then the two of us headed to another friend's house for a somewhat impromptu barbecue and playing of sapo, an amazingly fun Peruvian yard game.  We went home fairly early, largely due to exhaustion from an entire day outside, and I watched TV before crashing on the couch.

Today, I woke up early for a 9.5-mile run.  We didn't wake up early enough, so it was quite the scorcher.  After a million cups of water, a huge jug of Gatorade, and some breakfast, I was pretty much down for the count.  I ran a couple of errands with BFF and then slept the day away.  I was out so soundly that I didn't wake up for dinner until BFF called me (30 minutes after I was supposed to be at her house).


I have had several good runs this week.  They have been hot, they have been long, and they have been hard.  But they have been good.  And I think there is a reason for that:

As is commonly said among runners, "Running is cheaper than therapy."  And, I believe, it's quite a bit more beneficial.

This was a week I so desperately needed to run.


  1. To quote John Irving in "The Hotel New Hampshire"', keep passing the open windows.

    1. I don't understand this metaphor, Mom. Spell it out for me.